Connect the Dots
Feb. 23rd, 2013 01:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tattooedsirenTitle: Connect the Dots
Fandom: Suits
Ship: Harvey/Mike
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 2x16
Disclaimer: Say it with me now ~ me ... don't ... own.
Summary: It's like a moment frozen in time, the three of them standing there in a shocked stupor, unable to move or speak. And then, without a word, Harvey closes the door as he walks away.
Authors Notes: Because I didn't like the last scene. Much love to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
smartalli for giving this a quick once-over.
Connect the Dots
Rachel's skin is warm and oh so soft beneath his hands. He touches her everywhere, greedily, mouths pressed together with an ugly urgency. He gets her dress down to her waist and she’s undoing his pants, and then with a timing only he could possess, Harvey chooses that moment to walk into the filing room.
They break apart as if burned, the only sound in the room their heavy breathing and all Mike can see is Harvey, Harvey and the rigid stance of his body and the hard mask of his expression. But he knows Harvey too well now, can see there is something there, lurking beneath the seemingly blank and indifferent stare.
It's like a moment frozen in time, the three of them standing there in a shocked stupor, unable to move or speak. And then, without a word, Harvey closes the door as he walks away.
Mike's head whips back and forth between Rachel and the closed door that Harvey disappeared behind, weighing his options. There are really only two to speak of. He can stay here with Rachel or go after Harvey.
It's a surprisingly easy decision to make.
He follows Harvey, managing to throw out a, "Sorry, Rachel, I have to-" as he crosses the room and straightens his clothes before hurrying out of the room and across the floor, stalking the silhouette of Harvey he can see in the distance. He manages to make it to the elevator bay just in time to see Harvey disappear behind closing doors. With an actual cry of frustration he repeatedly hits the elevator call button until another car appears, taking him down to the lobby far too slowly, his mind racing the whole time.
Finally the elevator releases him and Mike rushes into the lobby, searching for the familiar form. When he spots it he literally runs after Harvey, dodging people here and there to get outside to him as soon as possible.
"Harvey, wait!" he calls as soon as he is within ear shot.
But Harvey keeps walking away. When Mike calls his name once more, Harvey returns with a, "Go away, Mike."
But Mike’s finally caught up now, stepping into stride beside Harvey. "It wasn't what it looked like," Mike says, which sounds just as idiotic out loud as it did in his head, because of course it was what it looked like.
Harvey scoffs, somehow managing to quicken his pace even more. "Really? Because it looked like you were doing the one thing you've wanted since the day you started here, which was to get into Rachel's pants."
Mike's mind is reeling. It's all too much. This day just keeps getting worse and he knows he hasn't even reached rock bottom yet. He doesn't even think, just reaches out and grabs Harvey's arm. The older man doesn't shake him off like he anticipated, instead finally stops walking and actually looks at Mike. He looks at him, and Mike has never been on the receiving end of this particular look. He doesn't know what it means, he just knows what it makes him feel. It makes him wish (for literally the only time in the last year) that they had never met, because he doesn't want to be the cause of someone he cares about looking like that.
"I told Rachel our secret."
And it's then that Harvey pulls out of Mike's grip. He physically recoils, putting distance between them, and Mike feels it like a punch to the gut.
"What the fuck where you thinking?" Harvey asks, voice low, and there is anger there, of course there is, but mostly there is just sadness and resignation.
And Mike just wants to die, to be put out of his misery. He just wants the pain to stop.
"I wasn't. Clearly, I wasn't thinking. She caught me at a weak moment and then I told her and she slapped me, twice, and then we…" he trails off, not wanting to say the words out loud, and if the expression on Harvey's face is any indication he definitely doesn't want to hear the words either.
Harvey is just staring at him, standing close enough to touch, and Mike wants to reach out and feel Harvey, solid beneath his hands. He needs something, a moment of reassurance that Harvey is still there, a moment of comfort, a confirmation that the connection they share hasn't been shattered into a million pieces and lost to oblivion.
Harvey turns to walk away and Mike deflates. But he can't stop fighting. He doesn't know how, and even if he did he could never just let Harvey go. Because that is what this is. If he doesn't do something to try and save what they have he knows it's all over. Forever.
Mike pulls back on Harvey's arm, but this time lets it go as soon as he has his attention. "I thought you were smarter than this," Mike says. His voice is thick and he can feel the tears welling in his eyes and he wishes he had more control, because this is Harvey "I don't do emotions" Specter and he wants to be stronger. But that's the thing. This is Harvey, and Harvey is the only one who can really undo him. "Do you really need me to connect the dots for you?"
Harvey genuinely looks like he has no idea what Mike is talking about, but in the beat that follows Mike's question he doesn't take the opportunity to walk away, and Mike takes the opening.
"When I lost Grammy, I did drugs and slept with a married woman." Mike hates reminding Harvey of that (although what's one more betrayal at this point?) but really, he needs to drive home the point here as much as possible. "You told me I was back in the Associate pool, and then tried to fire me. And then I told Rachel our secret and nearly slept with her. Do you really need me to spell it out? When I lose the people I love I do stupid things."
There. He said it. It's out there. No going back now. He wipes an errant tear from his cheek and breathes deeply, just so exhausted by the whole thing.
And Harvey, well, Harvey of course bypasses the whole declaration and says, "What you did with Jessica was an act of betrayal, not stupidity."
Mike barks out a laugh, completely hollow. He gives up. "Fine, Harvey, you're right. I betrayed you. For the record, I told her no, said I wouldn't do it because you would never trust me again. And then she told me she'd rat me out to the DA, so to save myself, and by extension you by the way, I did what she wanted. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. And I get that you hate me now. But just know that you couldn't hate me more than I hate myself right now."
And then he turns and walks away. That's it. It's over. He fucked up the only good thing he has in his life and he did it with eyes wide open.
"I don't hate you."
The words are soft, barely carry across the busy city streets. But Mike hears it, and it's enough to stop him in his tracks, let out a brief sob. He doesn't turn around, can't bear to face Harvey. The older man solves this problem by coming around him, stepping into his eye line, unavoidable.
"I don't hate you," Harvey repeats, and he looks so sincere and vulnerable and Mike is once again overwhelmed by the desire to touch, to connect. "I wish I could. It would certainly make things much easier. But that's always been my problem with you, not feeling the things that I should."
And the feeling all the things that I shouldn't is implied so heavily it's as if he said it out loud.
Mike doesn't know what to do, how to fix this. He can feel his whole body vibrate with it, the restlessness and uncertainty. Harvey steps that much closer, wraps a hand around the back of his neck, and finally Mike can just breathe.
"What happens now?" Mike asks, afraid of the answer, still so afraid of losing everything. He can’t help but sway slightly, inching as close as he thinks he'll be able to get, wants to feel the presence of Harvey again.
Harvey's answer isn't as comforting as he hoped it would be, but it does have the bonus of being the truth. He squeezes his neck gently and whispers, "I don't know."
Fandom: Suits
Ship: Harvey/Mike
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 2x16
Disclaimer: Say it with me now ~ me ... don't ... own.
Summary: It's like a moment frozen in time, the three of them standing there in a shocked stupor, unable to move or speak. And then, without a word, Harvey closes the door as he walks away.
Authors Notes: Because I didn't like the last scene. Much love to
smartalli for giving this a quick once-over.Connect the Dots
Rachel's skin is warm and oh so soft beneath his hands. He touches her everywhere, greedily, mouths pressed together with an ugly urgency. He gets her dress down to her waist and she’s undoing his pants, and then with a timing only he could possess, Harvey chooses that moment to walk into the filing room.
They break apart as if burned, the only sound in the room their heavy breathing and all Mike can see is Harvey, Harvey and the rigid stance of his body and the hard mask of his expression. But he knows Harvey too well now, can see there is something there, lurking beneath the seemingly blank and indifferent stare.
It's like a moment frozen in time, the three of them standing there in a shocked stupor, unable to move or speak. And then, without a word, Harvey closes the door as he walks away.
Mike's head whips back and forth between Rachel and the closed door that Harvey disappeared behind, weighing his options. There are really only two to speak of. He can stay here with Rachel or go after Harvey.
It's a surprisingly easy decision to make.
He follows Harvey, managing to throw out a, "Sorry, Rachel, I have to-" as he crosses the room and straightens his clothes before hurrying out of the room and across the floor, stalking the silhouette of Harvey he can see in the distance. He manages to make it to the elevator bay just in time to see Harvey disappear behind closing doors. With an actual cry of frustration he repeatedly hits the elevator call button until another car appears, taking him down to the lobby far too slowly, his mind racing the whole time.
Finally the elevator releases him and Mike rushes into the lobby, searching for the familiar form. When he spots it he literally runs after Harvey, dodging people here and there to get outside to him as soon as possible.
"Harvey, wait!" he calls as soon as he is within ear shot.
But Harvey keeps walking away. When Mike calls his name once more, Harvey returns with a, "Go away, Mike."
But Mike’s finally caught up now, stepping into stride beside Harvey. "It wasn't what it looked like," Mike says, which sounds just as idiotic out loud as it did in his head, because of course it was what it looked like.
Harvey scoffs, somehow managing to quicken his pace even more. "Really? Because it looked like you were doing the one thing you've wanted since the day you started here, which was to get into Rachel's pants."
Mike's mind is reeling. It's all too much. This day just keeps getting worse and he knows he hasn't even reached rock bottom yet. He doesn't even think, just reaches out and grabs Harvey's arm. The older man doesn't shake him off like he anticipated, instead finally stops walking and actually looks at Mike. He looks at him, and Mike has never been on the receiving end of this particular look. He doesn't know what it means, he just knows what it makes him feel. It makes him wish (for literally the only time in the last year) that they had never met, because he doesn't want to be the cause of someone he cares about looking like that.
"I told Rachel our secret."
And it's then that Harvey pulls out of Mike's grip. He physically recoils, putting distance between them, and Mike feels it like a punch to the gut.
"What the fuck where you thinking?" Harvey asks, voice low, and there is anger there, of course there is, but mostly there is just sadness and resignation.
And Mike just wants to die, to be put out of his misery. He just wants the pain to stop.
"I wasn't. Clearly, I wasn't thinking. She caught me at a weak moment and then I told her and she slapped me, twice, and then we…" he trails off, not wanting to say the words out loud, and if the expression on Harvey's face is any indication he definitely doesn't want to hear the words either.
Harvey is just staring at him, standing close enough to touch, and Mike wants to reach out and feel Harvey, solid beneath his hands. He needs something, a moment of reassurance that Harvey is still there, a moment of comfort, a confirmation that the connection they share hasn't been shattered into a million pieces and lost to oblivion.
Harvey turns to walk away and Mike deflates. But he can't stop fighting. He doesn't know how, and even if he did he could never just let Harvey go. Because that is what this is. If he doesn't do something to try and save what they have he knows it's all over. Forever.
Mike pulls back on Harvey's arm, but this time lets it go as soon as he has his attention. "I thought you were smarter than this," Mike says. His voice is thick and he can feel the tears welling in his eyes and he wishes he had more control, because this is Harvey "I don't do emotions" Specter and he wants to be stronger. But that's the thing. This is Harvey, and Harvey is the only one who can really undo him. "Do you really need me to connect the dots for you?"
Harvey genuinely looks like he has no idea what Mike is talking about, but in the beat that follows Mike's question he doesn't take the opportunity to walk away, and Mike takes the opening.
"When I lost Grammy, I did drugs and slept with a married woman." Mike hates reminding Harvey of that (although what's one more betrayal at this point?) but really, he needs to drive home the point here as much as possible. "You told me I was back in the Associate pool, and then tried to fire me. And then I told Rachel our secret and nearly slept with her. Do you really need me to spell it out? When I lose the people I love I do stupid things."
There. He said it. It's out there. No going back now. He wipes an errant tear from his cheek and breathes deeply, just so exhausted by the whole thing.
And Harvey, well, Harvey of course bypasses the whole declaration and says, "What you did with Jessica was an act of betrayal, not stupidity."
Mike barks out a laugh, completely hollow. He gives up. "Fine, Harvey, you're right. I betrayed you. For the record, I told her no, said I wouldn't do it because you would never trust me again. And then she told me she'd rat me out to the DA, so to save myself, and by extension you by the way, I did what she wanted. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. And I get that you hate me now. But just know that you couldn't hate me more than I hate myself right now."
And then he turns and walks away. That's it. It's over. He fucked up the only good thing he has in his life and he did it with eyes wide open.
"I don't hate you."
The words are soft, barely carry across the busy city streets. But Mike hears it, and it's enough to stop him in his tracks, let out a brief sob. He doesn't turn around, can't bear to face Harvey. The older man solves this problem by coming around him, stepping into his eye line, unavoidable.
"I don't hate you," Harvey repeats, and he looks so sincere and vulnerable and Mike is once again overwhelmed by the desire to touch, to connect. "I wish I could. It would certainly make things much easier. But that's always been my problem with you, not feeling the things that I should."
And the feeling all the things that I shouldn't is implied so heavily it's as if he said it out loud.
Mike doesn't know what to do, how to fix this. He can feel his whole body vibrate with it, the restlessness and uncertainty. Harvey steps that much closer, wraps a hand around the back of his neck, and finally Mike can just breathe.
"What happens now?" Mike asks, afraid of the answer, still so afraid of losing everything. He can’t help but sway slightly, inching as close as he thinks he'll be able to get, wants to feel the presence of Harvey again.
Harvey's answer isn't as comforting as he hoped it would be, but it does have the bonus of being the truth. He squeezes his neck gently and whispers, "I don't know."
